Avec Tu
by Yamadori
Summary: BDA1&2. Present for Inita. A story told in four parts. Somehow, she became more important than anything else. Jiro x Kluke
1. I

**For Inita, who is always there for those who need it. For facing her adversaries with tremendous courage, and standing tall despite her hardships. She has never let anything stand in her way, even against the odds, and she will achieve what she aims to accomplish. For some of us, you have comforted and guided us in times of despair. Now, you are about to face a struggle of your own, and it is our turn to be there for you. We believe in you. We are with you. Never give up, my friend.**

Things should not have gotten to this point.

To be honest, she is at the root of all the problems. (But also all of the good things, too.) If only she didn't cause these feelings...

But, the fact of the matter is, you do care.

You'd like to say that you never cared about her, that you were at least _initially_ annoyed by her presence because she couldn't even use a Shadow, yet insisted on being brought along. But that would be a lie.

She's interested you since the first time you laid eyes on her, with her brightly curious green eyes and even brighter smile. She proved her worth time and time again, long before any of you even knew she _was_ a Shadow User, and you found yourself being intrigued by not just her immense skill but _her_, this girl trying so hard to keep up with the rest of the group. And then her kindness began to draw you in, healing all of your old scars and still-open wounds deep down inside without any say on your part - and it made you realize that perhaps you had been _waiting_ for someone to do that to you. (Or maybe you were just waiting for _her_.)

You were like a moth attracted to a flame (maybe it's that same fire that burns in her heart, the one that makes her so fierce and feisty when her temper gets out of control, yet when she smiles or laughs makes the world seem so bright and full of possibilities) - you tried to hide it, but you couldn't stay away.

And then, somehow, before you knew it (and again without your say), she had become a central part of your life.

Revenge was supposed to be your only purpose, your only reason for _existing_, and she threw a wrench in all of that (unlike her, as she always keeps her wrench close at hand), because now you actually _want_ her to be a part of your life.

And it ruins _everything_, because you can't afford to care about _anything_.

You _almost_ hadn't minded. The feelings were a distraction, but it had never overly concerned you since they never interfered with your goal.

Until now.

You and the others have been ambushed (forcing the mechat to land) while on your way to intercept Nene, who has stolen Bouquet's ruins. Grand Kingdom's king apparently wised up to your approach, and sent his minions out to deal with you (not good; if he's that concerned with your group interfering, then he must have something really terrible planned, so you kind of need to hurry here). Were things going as usual, you'd all be able to handle it with minimal problems. However, the enemy is arranged in such a way that they're forcing you all to choose who to go after. And it doesn't help anything that there's a ticking clock hanging over your heads (whatever Nene's planning, chances are he won't hesitate).

You should be dealing with them strategically, using careful thinking to determine which enemy to go after. You should be cutting the quickest path to Nene.

Instead, you are running towards the group of foes that have Kluke surrounded.

She would be fine on her own, but there are too many enemies and her Power Up is proving to not be as effective as it should, or it may simply be that she's exhausted herself; Kluke's magic takes more out of her than anyone else's.

Kluke is interfering with your only reason for living - and you _don't care_.

This should not be, and yet it is, and you don't even care.

Even from the distance - yards when it feels like miles - you can see the Protect Feather flickering, the blue barrier fading in and out (your blood runs cold when you see Phoenix clearly for a second) with every attack. She won't be able to hold on much longer.

And then your vision goes red for a moment as you see that one of the main offenders is Szabo, who lifts his machine gun and fires.

Kluke screams as the shield shatters around her.

He's doing it again, taking everything from you _again_! Everything, everything, _everything_! ! !

You're not even aware of using Rekkuhazan for the second time, and the only reason you will ever know is because someone else tells you long after the battle is over. You don't know, because all you see is Jina (_your family, your blood, your little sister, your Jina, your everything, everything_) dying before your very eyes and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

The next time you're aware of anything, you see Szabo being flung off into the distance (not the last time you'll see him, you know for certain - by this point, whenever it happens you don't even get surprised anymore); the Kage Kuro units are nothing but wreckage at your feet, the ground around them scored and scorched.

And beyond the remains of the robots lies Kluke, Shadow gone, body still and unmoving (you pray to whoever will listen that she's breathing and you just can't see it from where you are).

No. No, no, no.

_Not this,_ you think. _Please. Please, not this. Anything but this. _Hoping that you're not about to relive the deaths of everyone you ever cared about, you run towards her, seeing nothing else. Caring about nothing else. You want her to be alive more than you want Nene dead. For the first time in seven months, the Ancient king does not occupy your thoughts at all. He could cause the end of the world right now and you wouldn't even notice - because if Kluke never opens her eyes again, then your world has already ended.

Sharp rocks dig into your knees as you land on them; you barely feel it. "Kluke!" You grab her, start shaking her. You just want her to open her eyes, just once, and then everything will be okay - your head will stop spinning and your stomach will stop churning-twisting-rolling and your heart will no longer feel like it's being mercilessly stabbed with a sword over and over again. Just once. Just one time. Just a single look at emerald eyes to make everything right again. "Kluke, wake up! Open your eyes!" _Please. Please. Please._ You never say it out loud, but you let the word repeat in the privacy of your mind. These may be her last moments (because of course she isn't dead yet, she can't be dead- _please don't leave me, please don't leave me all alone, I don't want to be alone anymore_) and you still can't admit to anyone - let alone her or even yourself - that you like her that way. Too weak to save your family, too weak to defeat their murderer, and too weak to tell a girl you have feelings for her. You're so pathetic that you make yourself sick sometimes.

Images of her flash in your mind's eye. Kluke trying to get you to taste her cooking; her blossoming grin when you offer to carry her across the canyon with Minotauros; her concern-sympathy-sadness-kindness when you tell her what happened to Mafe and your family; countless mornings spent assisting her in keeping the mechat in good repair; the way she giggles when you're being stubborn; that special kind of sweet and gentle smile you've never seen her use with anyone but you.

_Don't leave me._

A small noise emits from Kluke as her closed eyes suddenly scrunch before opening. She looks around for only a second before seeing you. "Jiro..."

There's a wealth of words on the tip of your tongue. So much unsaid, so many missed opportunities, so many regrets. She probably doesn't even know. She probably doesn't feel the same. You've seen how jealous she gets of Bouquet; if she likes anyone, it has to be Shu. Chances are she'd never look at you as more than a friend. Your heart sinks, but you shove down the hurt realization into a hidden alcove inside you (somewhere in the hallway with the nightmare of your family burning to death). You'll survive it. After all, if you weren't used to pain by now, you wouldn't have gotten this far. "We need to get out of here." You're surprised your voice sounds so steady, since it feels like you're burning inside (_everything always ends in fire_). Cold and apathetic and only caring about your revenge; is that really the person everyone sees, this stranger of yourself that is nothing at all like the happy little boy about to have his tenth birthday? Needless to say, it's a frightening thought. "This area is still hostile, and you aren't fit for combat right now; you can't stay in the open like this."

She nods, taking no offense to your bluntness - in fact, it seems to instill in her an all-business attitude. Kluke sits up and locks gazes with you. "Understood. Are any of the others hurt?"

"I... don't know." Your heart skips at the thought of Zola (and Shu - you don't want to admit it, but ever since the day you got your Power Up, now Shu too) being hurt and you not even having a clue about it. "We're a little far away from them right now."

Kluke blinks her confusion, then looks around your arm; her eyes widen in an instant. "Jiro, I can barely see them!" Her gaze switches to you just as quickly. "Why did you leave them over there?" You hear the silent, _What about Nene?_ You don't have any right to be, not with how you usually act, but the indignation is still there. But, come _on_. Really? Is that all people think you care about?

"The others are at least paired with each other. You were fighting all on your own. No one could see you but me." You advert your eyes, feeling awkward and a little embarrassed about the sudden shine of wonder in green depths. "I had to make a call."

"Jiro..." You suddenly feel her hand on your arm, the warmth of it sinking down to your skin (more of the ice that froze your heart so many months ago melts away), teasing your senses with the possibility of how soft the flesh of her palm might feel. You resist the sudden urge to take her other hand in yours and find out for yourself. "Thank you. I... I appreciate it."

You want to tell her those words of thanks are as precious to you as gold. But all you say is (still, your voice is gentle, and it's something, isn't it?), "Let's go, Kluke."

**I hope that this hasn't disappointed; I'm sorry that this is for the anime, Inita, since I know you prefer the game. However… Somehow, I just felt that this was right. I can't explain it. I also apologize to you and anyone else who has been trying to contact me the past several days; this four-part piece is the reason. And when I received your recent message, Inita, I knew that my time had run out – I had to get this done. I just hope that I've finished it in time before you go.**

**I've put everything I have into this (which, considering that I've been running on empty for months, is not very encouraging to me). I can only hope that it's enough.**


	2. II

**So, apparently, I am no longer capable of writing Jiro x Kluke without Jiro/Shu friendship. Yeah, I don't know why either.**

You would imagine that the ruined village is just what Mafe must look like now - burned frames of houses; broken crockery scattered across a floor hardly even there anymore; shattered trinkets and ripped paintings lying near where there was likely once a wall; children's toys left behind by owners that have either fled or are no longer living.

You don't know for sure, though; when your house collapsed, you finally took Father's advice and ran without looking back. Perhaps it's better that way. It's easier, if nothing else. (You're guilty, so guilty, and so _angry_ at yourself for not even taking one last look to say goodbye.)

For a moment, you're confused when you spot a wooden pole-like stick in the ground, a thin but long piece of rope tied around it. The string rises with each breeze, and you see some little clips attached to it, some bearing charred pieces of cloth...

It is a clothesline, and as a strip of clothing flutters in the air, a memory of yours floats along with it.

_You are young; you're a tiny thing and Jina hasn't been born yet, so this must be one of your first memories. The grass feels warm, brushing your bare calves and soft under your palms, as you watch Mother pluck one of her shirts out of the basket and hang it up on the line with the other recently washed clothes. The wind picks up suddenly, and you watch from beneath them as all of the clothes dance in the wind to a soundless rhythm only they can hear. You smile and laugh; to your child's mind, they look like birds taking flight in the clear and beautiful blue sky._

_Years and years later, the bright blue sky will be just as clear and beautiful when Mafe burns._

_(Everything always ends in fire.)_

You look away now, closing your eyes as a shudder passes through your body. Since Nene's defeat, sometimes (_when Kluke talks with you over mechat repairs, when Shu jokes around with you, and before things changed you never saw yourself doing that with either of them_) you think you're almost over Mafe. Then come the mornings when you wake up trying not to scream from seeing your parents burning alive (you never actually saw that part, but the nightmares like to toy around with you), and it makes you wonder if during your "good days" you aren't actually incredibly insane.

... How could she do this?

You told yourself not to care for anyone, not to trust anyone. You had _warned_ yourself. Time and time again. And now you have to deal with the whole new gaping wound Zola's betrayal has left behind.

Yet here you are, searching for Kluke, who has run off. Trusting her and caring for her.

You're a fool, Jiro.

You know.

The sound of sobs reaches your ears before you see the person causing them.

You round the corner, and your heart wrenches as you spot Kluke on the ground and bent nearly double from the sheer force of her crying.

Rushing to her side, you kneel beside her and place your hands on her shoulders. Perhaps a week ago you would have felt nervous doing this, but ever since she returned to the group after being captured, Kluke has cleaved to you more than ever before. You don't particularly understand why, but you never question it. She has her reasons, and that's good enough for you. "Kluke, what is it? What's wrong?"

"No..." She chokes it out between tears. "No more..."

You want to ask her what she means, but don't know how to do it without being insensitive. You think hard for a moment, but no words are forthcoming.

But it doesn't matter, because Kluke starts to speak again, "No more! No more killing... No more dying... I can't take it anymore!" She shoves herself into your arms, head pressing against you hard as your white sweater is soaked with her seemingly endless tears. "I'm tired of living in this life filled with suffering."

You hold her tighter, heart breaking for this girl that means so much to you. Oh, how you had wanted to prevent this! Zola had seen much of the world, had seen its beauties and horrors in equal turn, but your other four comrades were so naive and innocent. They had not been exposed to the cold hard truths that you had been forced to see when you were not yet ten years old, and you may come off to others as being heartless, but you never wanted any of them to have to see the terrors that had destroyed you. How you wanted to protect them, shield them, _save_ them! Always Kluke, eventually Shu, and though you've hardly spent any _real_ time with either, Marumaro and Bouquet as well. But now the world is about to end, Zola is gone, and things are out of your hands. You cannot protect them anymore, if you were ever able to.

And the one person you wanted to keep from this the most is the first to have her eyes opened.

You're failing the ones you care about again, Jiro (_failing your family again, this time your new one_).

You know.

_If nothing else, _you think, bitterly grateful, _at least the death and destruction she's witnessing is that of strangers. If nothing else, at least she doesn't have to feel grief that cuts so deep that it makes you wonder if your heart will ever stop bleeding. If nothing else, at least it won't make her lust for their slaughterer's blood until she no longer recognizes herself in the mirror._

If nothing else, at least she won't become you.

... Maybe you can save them after all.

Your hand goes to her back, rubbing in soothing circles. She immediately starts to calm down, and you almost, _almost_ smile; unlike most guys you can say that you know how to comfort a girl because, after all, you weren't just a big brother in name. _But you weren't there to comfort her when the fire began to lick at her skin, or when the roof collapsed down on her already broken body. Were you-?_ You shut down the thought immediately; your mind takes you down that nightmarish path enough as it is, and you need to be strong right now - she is leaning on you in more ways than one. "That's why we have to keep fighting, Kluke," you say softly, a bit of scratching in your voice. Probably from dehydration; you and the others have been on the road for at least three days, doing nothing but running from village to village to try and warn them, to get them out before it's too late. (Sometimes, though - like now - you don't make it in time.) "These people need us. If we stop, then there will be no one to save them. So we have to keep going."

"But... Sometimes we don't make it..." She's calmer, that's for sure, but still upset. "Sometimes we can't save everyone."

You stare out at the dilapidated village, this ugly illustration of ruined lives. To yourself, where she can't hear, you wonder if people are doomed to die this way. You wonder if evil really will swallow up all that is good in the world. You wonder if the destruction will ever end. "You can never save everyone, Kluke." She lets out a choked noise. You would've kept this from her if you could have. You would have kept it from all of them. But this is a lesson that everyone must learn, eventually; Kluke just has the misfortune of learning it sooner. "But we can't stop because of that. There are still the ones that we _will_ be able to help, and that's better than saving no one at all."

After a very long moment, you feel her nod against the inside of your elbow.

"Jiro... Please don't tell Shu about this."

_Please don't tell Shu about this._

It is with a great deal of control that you keep your grip from tightening. This is not the first time Kluke has asked this of you. Before it had been when she imparted some details of her capture. To be more specific, when she told you about _him_.

Andropov.

She told you what he did. And though she herself could not adequately see it, you saw how Kluke felt about it.

But she's aware of it enough to know not to tell Shu.

You're not sure if anyone else really knows just how significant it was that Shu could not properly use Blue Dragon when he cried. (You know exactly what it means. If nothing else, at least Zola taught you well.) Kluke seems aware that he is distressed, and she doesn't want to add more pressure to him. She can see that he is breaking.

But the truth is this: Zola's betrayal has left Shu teetering on the edge between sanity and madness, and if he learns of Andropov, it may very well be enough to make him shatter.

You would see yourself dead before you allowed that to come to pass.

(It's odd, because you used to think that you couldn't stand him. Now, he's one of the only things you have left.)

It's hard to carry these unspoken burdens for her - that Andropov saved her from a fate that likely would have been death, that Kluke is starting to buckle under the pressure of the lives depending on them - because really, you have enough baggage as it is.

But you must.

Because if Shu learns of either, it will almost certainly be enough to push him over the edge. And if he falls into this very particular abyss, none of you will be able to pull him out again.

You won't let that happen.

However, even though it's selfish, you're also sort of doing it for _you_.

For all her frying-pan-swinging at Shu and punching or kicking Marumaro, Kluke has a gentle heart. Her kindness knows no bounds, and she always helps any that are in need. So for her to see all this death and misery... It's just too much. She can't handle it.

Kluke is ready to break, too.

(Perhaps all of you are.)

But more to the point, even if you try to hide it from yourself and everyone else, you still care about Kluke. Your feelings for her have been more than friendship for so long that you don't even know when it started anymore. Maybe it had always been like this. In the end, it doesn't matter.

Because you'd do anything to keep her safe. You'd do anything to keep her smiling.

And really, both goals are unrealistic nowadays (with the wold ending and whatnot, _no one_ is able to stay unharmed and happy), but you'll keep trying anyway. Because Nene is finally _gone_ but you need _something_ to focus on, to aim for (_so you won't feel so empty_) - and since she has become the most important thing in your life, Kluke's well-being has become your priority.

Unfortunately, it can't last.

The truth is that you fear Kluke becoming close to you. There has been a darkness forming in your heart since the day your family died before your eyes, and you would do anything to keep her unaware of it (_anything to keep it from poisoning her_). And you know her - if she learns anything is wrong with you, she will immediately try to help because that's just who she is.

She can't help you with this, though.

(You want her to, so very badly. But it's a risk you aren't willing to take.)

Maybe, if you'd met her before Mafe was destroyed... But not now. There can never be anything between the two of you. (There could be, of course there could. You're just too scared to try it.)

You always try to tell yourself you don't mind.

It always doesn't work.

But you shove your thoughts to the very back of your mind - this line of thought is unproductive and unnecessary. You have too many real problems to worry about without letting a bunch of why's and how's cloud your reasoning. You can't look out for Kluke or any of the others if you let anything hold you back.

"I won't," you say to Kluke, reassuring her about one thing when so much else is uncertain. "Don't worry."

You feel another of her nods. "We... should probably get back to the others. They'll be wondering where we are, I suppose."

"Yes." She lets go of you and starts standing, and you feel the cold rush of air fill your arms in her place. "Let's head back."

Sometimes you don't even bother telling yourself that you don't mind.

**This one feels a little bit like a character study to me. It was kind of accidental.**

**This chapter was possible thanks to my own translation of the Spanish sub.**


	3. III

**This chapter was originally something completely different, but I couldn't get it to work in that form. This one seems better anyway.**

You swear in your head over and over.

_Shu, you idiot. You freaking idiot. You stupid, helpful, heroic _idiot_. Always have to help everyone... Always trying to save the world..._

And now he's probably going to die for it.

You've caught bits and pieces of what's going on from Kluke and Andropov, but they really had no time to go over everything (especially since they don't even know the whole story). Basically, Shu and the others went with Primula and Tarkovsky in the Mast Driver in order to stop the Superior Lifeforms. And that's pretty much all you know, but you don't need to know anything else.

Whether or not Kluke and Andropov were going to say it, you already know that there isn't much chance that all of them will be coming back.

_Idiot. Idiot. _Idiot_._

You bang your fist against the metallic wall of the Hraesburg docking bay, feel the blow reverberate through your arm. The gravitational transports can stay up in the air for a long time, but it's pointless to use them until you reach Heaven's Castle since the battleship is faster for longer distances anyway. Matilda is getting you all up there as fast as she can, but it's taking too long for your tastes.

You hate feeling helpless, and now is no exception.

Your hand slackens against the smooth metal, the anger in your expression being replaced with melancholy.

... This is your fault.

If... If you had been with Shu, if you had never left to get stronger, maybe things wouldn't be this way. (Still, perhaps much wouldn't have changed. But you have to blame yourself for it, because you're guilty about it as it is. At the heart of the matter, the truth is that you were scared of getting close to anyone again - scared of having a family again - and so you ran. You can't take the pain of losing anyone else, and you will because it's you and that's just how things go in your life now, and there isn't even any point in trying because _everything always ends in fire_. But now, chances are that Shu will have to pay for your cowardice.)

But this is how things are, so you'll have to do what you can, and whatever doesn't turn out the right way you're just going to have to live with it.

... You wish Xi was with you. She has this way of making everything so much clearer, and she always has an answer for everything. (She reminds you a bit of Zola in that regard.) You don't feel that you deserve it, but it would be such a comfort if she were here right now. You knew that the docking bay would become a madhouse as soon as you started closing in on Rudolf's location, so you'd told her to stay with Matilda on the deck. You're starting to wish you hadn't said that.

"Jiro?"

That _voice_.

Almost unable to believe your ears, you turn slowly, apprehensive and elated in equal turns at the thought that you'll see who you think it is.

Brown hair, green eyes, concerned tone, gentle expression.

Still beautiful.

(You miss the ribbon, though.)

You feel a tug on your heart, feel an almost magnetic pull of longing. You haven't seen or spoken to Kluke in two years, and the first contact you had with her was pretty much just a brief "hello" in the middle of the battlefield.

(Your palms might be sweating, but nobody else really needs to know about that.)

"Hey." You swallow, throat suddenly dry with a chance of closing up. "Uh... How are you doing?"

Maybe the floor could be nice and swallow you up right now. Even before your life went on a downward spiral, though, you'd never been that lucky.

She blinks like the question has caught her off guard. "... Alright, I guess."

If this conversation gets any more awkward, you're going to have to waltz off and find something to hit just to relieve the tension. You think you might hear someone laughing at you and wonder if it's that cruel little voice in your head or Minotauros. Maybe both of them have teamed up and are making fun of you together. And maybe you sound a little crazy right now, but Kluke is standing _right here_ and you're _nervous_ and if someone's got a problem with it then _screw them_ because you're not the sanest person in the world _anyway_.

So _there_.

... Definitely crazy.

(Shu was right - you've got a track record for this as it is, but girls really _do_ make you crazy.)

You glance off to the side, hope that Kluke doesn't detect your nervousness. "It's been a while since we were together."

Her voice becomes very soft. "... I missed you." And doesn't _that_ just make the knife twist in your heart. You already had gallons of guilt because of Shu, but it looks like you're going to have a new tidbit of information to torture yourself with whenever you lay down to sleep. "Nobody knew where you were. Sometimes... Sometimes, I thought-" Her voice trembles and _cracks_. You glance at her quickly, and are shocked to see the pain that creases her features. But she only shakes her head. "Never mind. It doesn't matter now."

The words are pulled out of you without your consent. (You find that she does that a lot.) "I'm sorry." Maybe it's your imagination, but your own voice sounds a little shaky right now. "I'm so sorry." In that moment, you're apologizing to her, to Shu, to everyone. Maybe she won't forgive you; maybe none of them will. But you so desperately need them to know. And you might not get the chance to tell all of them that, but starting with the most important person doesn't seem like a bad place to begin.

"You don't need to apologize. It's done. And you're back now." She beams at you, and your head swims a little.

"But what if I'm not here to stay?" You hate yourself for saying it (more than usual), but it's the truth, and she needs to be prepared for that.

It surprises you when she laughs lightly. "Then we'll just wait for you to come back."

Your heart _aches_. You want that so badly - want so desperately to have someone to come back to - that it _hurts_. But you can't let yourself have it. Your eyes drop to your feet. "I'm not worth waiting for."

Fingers hook under your chin and tilt your head upwards. "You don't get to tell us what's worth waiting for, Jiro." She stares at you for a moment, then giggles. "Your face used to be rounder."

You flush and wish that Kluke wasn't so close, because there's no way you can hide your blushing at this proximity. "That's what happens when you get older." Obvious, but that's what you do when you get upset or flustered - you fall back on facts that don't need saying or do bad sarcasm.

"Not just that, either," and suddenly, her eyes are sad. Her hand drops to your arm. "Your arms used to be thinner. These aren't the arms I used to bump against. They aren't familiar... I guess nothing is anymore. I know it sounds silly, but... I miss them."

And then there's a loud crash as the whole ship shakes.

Kluke screams as she loses her balance, but with lightning-quick reflexes, you lunge forward and catch her.

When the Hraesburg rights itself, you're back is against the wall and Kluke is leaning against you with most of her weight. You're dizzy, and it has nothing to do with whatever happened to the ship just now.

You clear your throat, and your mouth feels thick as you speak. "... They might look different. But they'll still be here to hold you up."

Through the speakers, Rogi is saying something about severe turbulence but you aren't even listening. You're too focused on watching Kluke, who is staring up at you with an almost... glazed look. "Your eyes..."

For a moment, you're so confused that you barely even know what to say. "What?"

"U-um." Her cheeks redden prettily. Pressed so close against her, you hope she can't feel your heart pounding. "Your eyes. They're... they're the same. They haven't changed."

"Kluke! Kluke, are you in here? !"

Andropov's voice. You release her and she jumps back. She starts fiddling with her hands. "I-I'm sorry... I shouldn't have-"

Grinning, you cut her off, "You don't have anything to apologize for." She smiles at the mirror of her earlier words. Reaching down, you take hold of her hand, not caring who sees. "Now let's go save Shu."

**Shorter than I wanted. It's Tenkai Jiro x Kluke, though, which is always a pleasure to write.**


	4. IV

**I don't like this chapter very much. It seems disjointed, and doesn't have enough detail (especially the ending – eck!). I can't delay with posting it any longer, though; I can only hope that it's enough.**

You open and close your hands, roll your shoulders, shift your feet. Fidgeting, ignoring the sting all over from the movements. You sigh, impatient with nothing and everything.

You're so restless nowadays. For a change, it's not so much a wanderlust as it is wanting to set down roots (imagine that), except you don't really know where to plant yourself.

Well... You know where you _want_ to, but that's another story.

You've been staying with Xi in her new information gathering shop, and you like being around her, but Nirvana is no place for someone like you. For ten years you lived in a quiet little village - the big and bustling city that serves as the headquarters of the White Brigade is a place that you'll never be able to settle in permanently.

You feel lost. There is no clear path for you to take, nor is there any answer in sight.

You sigh and continue towards your destination. Two months. Two months of this mindless flailing and hoping no one notices, and you're getting rather sick of it.

... You know what you have to do. You don't want to do it, but there's no point in waiting anymore. There is no future for you here.

Wincing, you start to climb the hill, feeling several leg muscles pull and burn. You smirk to yourself; Shu is getting good. You feel something like pride well up, but the grin dissipates as you think on what you'll have to do soon.

(You keep telling yourself he'll be alright, and try not to think too much about the fact that it's the same excuse you gave yourself last time.)

The building sits at the top of the hill, its white stone surfaces gleaming in the sunlight. You hesitate at the entrance, then enter.

Really, you didn't want to go to the hospital. It's just a cut; you don't see what the big deal is. But Shu was flipping out. And when he freaks out, he Freaks Out, and you just weren't in the mood to listen to it today.

So here you are.

You don't even make it to the front desk - before you can say or do anything, a nurse is whisking you off to a room and saying that they'll send someone in to treat you, all the while worriedly eyeing the torn holes of your shirt and coat and the red-stained bandage underneath. (Shu's lucky you have identical spares, or things would not have gone well for him. You really like this coat.) She apologizes for not being able to treat you herself, says she's with another patient at the moment.

And then you're alone in the hospital room. You wrinkle your nose at the overpowering smell of antiseptic, but shrug it off and take a seat on the examination table.

Three minutes later (or thereabouts), the door opens. You lift your head to acknowledge the nurse's entrance-

It's Kluke.

You only have about a second to realize this before she drops the supplies she was holding all over the floor. "_Jiro_." Her eyes are trained on your wound. She looks horrified.

You stand up with the intention of picking up the fallen items, start saying, "Kluke, I'll get it-"

"You're _bleeding_," Kluke rushes forward and pushes you back onto the table. Hard. "Sit _down_." Her hands remain on your shoulder, and you go still when you feel her violently shaking.

You've scared her.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize." She turns away, heading straight for one of the drawers against the wall. She rummages through it, muttering curses under her breath, and you realize that she's probably searching for sterile supplies to replace what's on the floor.

You stay silent while she keeps looking, unsure of what to do. You hadn't expected to run into Kluke, and certainly not like this. You haven't seen her since the medal ceremony, and you thought things would be different when you finally did.

Eventually, she turns around with her arms refilled, and dumps them out on the top of the desk beside your table. Without even saying anything, she starts pulling at your shirt. You yelp and stutter out, "H-hey!"

"If you want to take care of yourself then start showing me you're able to." Kluke sounds livid, and most likely she is, but you know it's mostly a cover for her concern. She pushes your coat aside, pulls up your shirt until it isn't covering your abdomen; she hands you the lifted hem. "Do something useful and hold that."

She pulls the dressing off, not even flinching at the sight of blood. You suspect she's seen a lot worse. Your stomach shudders a bit when she splashes some wound cleanser on it, but all in all you deal with the pain without complaint. You've dealt with worse as well.

"So," she begins as she presses gauze to the wound in preparation for wrapping, "any good reason you decided to go and get yourself carved up like a ham?" She sounds like she's angry as well as trying not to cry.

"I was sparring." You decide to leave out that you were doing it with Shu. The dust is finally starting to settle between him and Kluke and Andropov, and it seems unwise to incite any of the three. "I lost my footing, and my opponent didn't have enough to time to pull back from their lunge."

She looks weary as she rolls the bandage around his stomach. "I really wish you wouldn't, Jiro."

"It was just an accident."

"I've seen people die from accidents. More times than I care to think about." She tapes it down a few times before seeming to decide that it's acceptable. You move around a little, find that it's snug without being too tight. She did a good job. "That should hold you for now. Try not to overtax yourself or do anything that would tear it open as it starts to heal, and it should close up pretty soon." She stands and starts putting things away without glancing at you once. "Meet me outside. I'm going on break, and I haven't talked to you in ages."

When you get outside, you find a bench near to the hospital exit and take a seat. You try not to start fidgeting again, but you know that eventually you're going to lose that battle. Probably soon.

Overall, you wait about fifteen minutes before Kluke emerges from the hospital. As soon as she's detected you, she approaches. "I wasn't sure you'd wait for me," she says, taking a seat next to you. "I'm glad you did."

Of course you would, but you don't have the nerve to say it. Instead, you choose the simpler, "How have you been?"

"Busy. You'd be surprised how many people get hurt during peacetime." She pushes some hair behind her ear. "Also, Andropov and I are planning on going back to the area we'd been living in for the last two years. Both of us feel responsible for what happened there, so we want to go and help the villagers rebuild. We aren't sure if we're going to stay, but we might."

You give a single nod. "I see." In a way, you envy both Kluke and Andropov. If nothing else, they may not have their entire lives planned, but they at least have a clear goal for the immediate future. All you have is a direction and no idea where it will lead.

And suddenly, like she always seems able to do, Kluke coaxes the words from you without saying anything at all. "I'm leaving soon." Your voice is steady. You didn't think it would be the first time you said this to anyone. "I don't know if I'll see you again." You're realizing this for the first time as the words come out of you.

"Jiro, what are you talking about?" You can feel her trembling beside you. When you turn to look, everything slows down as you see her eyes filled with tears. "Why are you saying this?"

"I can't stay here anymore." You force your gaze away from Kluke, unable to face her anymore. "I don't belong here."

"What if you did belong here?" And then her hand is on your shoulder, and your heartbeats start to come faster. "How are you so sure that you don't?"

"I... What- What exactly do you mean by that, Kluke?" You know what you want it to mean, but don't dare to hope for it.

"Don't go. Don't leave. I-" Her hand tightens on you. When you go to look at her, Kluke's head is down and her hair covers her eyes. "Please... Please don't leave again."

"Kluke..." Your mouth feels thick. "What reason do I have to be here?"

She shakes her head. She's silent for so long that you don't think she's going to speak, but then you hear her whisper, "Me."

You go rigid. For a moment you're not sure if you heard her right, but after thinking about it, you conclude that your mind would not be charitable enough to imagine it. "You can't mean that." Still, you have to be sure, just because it seems so unlikely.

"I do." She lifts her head. "You just never asked before." There's something almost bitter in her voice. You try not to think about that too hard.

"You... You don't mean..."

"A long time." Kluke answers the unspoken question. "Even when you left, I... I never gave up on you coming back. Some days were harder than others. Other times I almost tried to forget, but I couldn't. I... I had thought... Am I mistaken about you feeling the same?"

You're not really sure how you got into this situation brimming with unspoken meanings, and you don't know how to get out of it, but you have to. It's critical that you don't become anymore attached than you are. "Probably." It nearly kills you to say it, but this is for the best; it will hurt her far more to be with you than without you.

She does not cry. She does not scream. She does not hit you, or say she hates you, or any other kind of reaction that you expected. Instead, Kluke leans forward, looks at you carefully and says, "You're lying."

It catches you so off guard that you don't even know what to say. "_What_?"

"When you lie, your eyes narrow slightly while you talk." She tells you this in a very matter-of-fact manner. "If your eyes narrow when you get angry, it's always before or after you talk."

For a moment, the only thing you can do is sit and gape at her. It doesn't really matter, though, because she starts talking again anyway, "I guess I should take that as good news that you're lying." The corners of her eyes crinkle with mischief, and it's so much like her that you want to reach forward and hug her.

"Don't do this, Kluke." You know that you _should_ get up and bolt, get away from her as fast as you can, but you're glued to the spot.

"Do what?" She searches your face pleadingly. "Care for you as more than a friend?"

You press the heels of your hands against your eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling hard. This is all happening too fast. The situation is rapidly spiraling out of control, and you don't know how to stop it. "You don't want to care for someone like me, Kluke. Not like that."

Your hands are suddenly being pulled away from your head by the wrists; the first thing to enter your field of vision is Kluke's smiling face. "You should know better by now, Jiro - nobody tells me what do."

"Don't." Your voice is shaky. "Please don't. I... I can't, Kluke."

"Why not?" She tilts her head to the side. Her smile has not faltered.

"Because I don't deserve you." _I don't deserve to be happy, and I definitely don't deserve to be happy with _you_._ "If I... It wouldn't be fair to you."

"I think I can decide that for myself, thanks." She giggles, lets you go, but you still feel as rooted as if she were holding you down. "Though I appreciate the thought." She runs her fingers along your arm. "If you're so _undeserving_," the way she carries out the word sounds like she's teasing you, "then why do you care so much about what's good for me?"

Your voice is choked and quiet. "I never said I didn't care. That's not why I can't-"

"Then that's enough." She leans back slightly. "I don't need anything else from you, Jiro."

You want it so badly, want to be able to just sink into Kluke's presence like a warm blanket. You have to resist, but it's getting difficult. "I- I have to go." You force yourself to your feet, stumble a bit as you get your balance, and then try to head towards the bottom of the hill.

You only make it a few steps before a hand goes to your wrist. You try to pull away, but Kluke starts talking before you get the chance. "You don't have to be alone anymore, Jiro!" It takes your breath like a blow to the stomach. "You think I don't know you, but I do! I know you deserve to be happy! It's not your fault they're dead; you don't have to punish yourself anymore!" That nearly makes you stagger. "Please! Just give me a chance! That's all I ask!"

You shut your eyes tight, feel them stinging and burning. You want to believe her so much, but you can't let yourself, because for you _everything always ends in fire_.

Pausing, you think about that phrase for a moment, that mantra that has been a near-constant companion since your family died. It has been your punishment and your reminder.

Maybe... Maybe that's true. Maybe everything _will_ always end in fire for you.

But... Kluke has an inner fire of her own. And being with her isn't such a bad place to end up.

What's a few technicalities?

"I'll stay, Kluke," you can feel her slump in relief, and can see it on her face when you turn around. "I'll stay with you."

Perhaps you don't know what you're going to do now. Perhaps Kluke doesn't either.

But it doesn't matter anymore.

You'll find the way together.

**~For Inita~**


End file.
